Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is your father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born.
Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, and potatoes cost Rs 3/kg. Then, what is my age?
Student: 32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
Student: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
Teacher: Paul, what is the chemical formula of Water?
Paul: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.
Teacher: What is this?
Paul: Well!! You said it is H2O.
Student: Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher: Go run after it.
Teacher: Ramu, get up. How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu: I can teacher, if you keep your voice down.
Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
Teacher: "Anoop, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Anoop: "No, Miss."
Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"
Pupil: “Sir, Would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents?”
Teacher: “But your parents don’t have a computer.”
Pupil: “Exactly!”
Teacher: “I haven’t got no pencil.”
Teacher, correcting him:
“You don’t have any pencil.
He doesn’t have any pencils.
We don’t have any pencils.”
Student, with a look of astonishment: “Where have all the pencils gone?”
Teacher to Girl: “Why are you late?”
Girl: “I started late from home”.
Teacher: “Why didn’t you start early?”
Girl: “By the time I woke up, it was too late to start early”
Teacher to the Student: Why are you tearing up your homework copy?
Student: To keep the elephants away.
Teacher: But there are no elephants here.
Student: See, how effective it is!!!
Teacher: You weren't at school last Friday, Robert. I heard you were at the movie theatre.
Robert: That's not true, sir. And I've got the tickets from the football game to prove it.
Nigel: You said the school dentist would be painless, but he wasn't.
Teacher: Did he hurt you?
Nigel: No, but he screamed when I bit his finger.
Teacher: How do you spell “CAT”
Sameer: K.A.T
Teacher: But dictionary spells it CAT
Sameer: You asked me how I spell it?
Teacher: NAME 5 MILK PRODUCTS?
Student: BUTTER, CHEESE, GHEE & 2 COWS.
Teacher: what is your father name?
Student: His name is BUTTER RED
Teacher: what?
Student: yes madam, his name is MAKHAN LAL!!!!!
Teacher: Who was Raja Ram Mohan Roy?
Student: They all four were great friends
Teacher:"What is your name?”
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask question in English, answer it in English."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."
Teacher: how were the exams?
Student: the questions were easy but the answers were hard.
Teacher: RAGHU, HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT THE EARTH IS ROUND?
RAGHU: I NEVER SAID IT IS ROUND.
Teacher: Ritu spell "Blind Bird"
RITU: B,l,n,d B,r,d
Teacher: Where are the two i's??
RITU: Teacher a blind bird doesn't have eyes!
Teacher: ?????????
Once a teacher said to the children: When I will ask you a question, give the answer very fast.
Teacher: What is the capital of India?
Child: Very fast
Teacher: WHAT HAPPEN TO GOLD IF EXPOSED IN AIR?
RAMESH: IT IS STOLEN, SIR
Rahul: Madam my paper is the neatest.
Teacher: You haven't written anything.
Rahul: That's why it is the neatest.
Teacher: Rita, please stand up and answer this question. Why did the calf cross the road?
Rita: I don't know madam. But I know someone who can answer this question.
Teacher: (astonished) who?
Rita: Very simple the calf
Teacher: What is the capital of china
Student: You Know
Teacher: Yes
Student: Then why are you asking
Teacher: Who has read the 25th chapter?
Almost all the students raise their hands
Teacher: There is no 25th chapter in the book.
Teacher: STUDENTS DRAW A PICTURE OF BACTERIA.
Student: HERE IT IS MAM.
Teacher: WHERE? IT IS BLANK.
Student: YOU TOLD THAT BACTERIA CANNOT BE SEEN WITH NAKED EYE!
Teacher: 'WHERE IS THE HIMALAYAS”
STUDENT: I DONT KNOW."
THEN TEACHER ORDERED HIM TO STAND ON THE CHAIR
THEN STUDENT TOLD THE TEACHER INNOCENTLY: I STILL CAN'T SEE IT.
Question: What is the full form of maths.
Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students
Sir: How can you tell a hawk has good eye sight?
Raj: Because I have never seen a hawk wearing spectacles
Teacher: Now, Sam, Tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Student: No sir, I don't have. My mom is a good cook
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhi ji was four years old.
Teacher: Ramya and Shilpa!,why are you late for school,today?
Shilpa: Madam,I lost a one rupee coin and was searching for it.
Teachear: Ramya,what about you?
Ramya: Madam, I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under my feet.
A teacher to a Parent:
Teacher: Mam your son has cheated in his examinations.
Parent: You can prove that I am sure
Teacher: Well put it this way the first answer of your child's partner was yes.
Parent: So that proves nothing.
Teacher: But for the second question your son's partner wrote "i don’t know" and your son wrote "neither do I"
Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey with a stick and I stop him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
Once a teacher with her students went to visit a zoo.
When the teacher saw the lion she told her students that the lion belonged to the cat family.
A watchman heard her and told her that the lion belonged to the zoo not the cat family.
Teacher: anu, can you name five things made up of milk?
anu: butter, cheese, cream------
Teacher: yes, yes go on.
anu: and two cows
Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August?
Student: A holiday
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No madam! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
Teacher: How can you prove it that birds have sharp eyesight?
Student: Teacher, because I have never seen a bird wearing spectacles
Teacher: RAJU HOW WILL YOU DISTRIBUTE FIVE ORANGES EQUALLY TO EIGHT PEOPLE?
RAJU: SIMPLE I WILL FIRST TAKE OUT THE JUICE POUR IT IN EIGHT GLASSES AND GIVE THEM
Teacher (taking an oral test): OK James, tell me how many mangoes will it make if I had 5 mangoes and you give me 2 more?
James: 7, mam.
Teacher: good, now tell me if I have 4 apples and I give you.....
James: Sorry mam but I was absent when you taught the class word problems of apples and I forgot to copy it down from my friend.