True music lover

Santa is the true music lover.
A girl is singing in a bathroom while taking a bath and Santa is near the keyhole listening to her.

Viruses cannot be formatted

Santa being romantic to his wife: “One day God tested me, erased all my memory and asked do you remember anyone now?
I told Him your name.
He replied, “I am sorry some viruses cannot be formatted”

Loan on marriage

Santa bought a car on loan... He didn't pay the dues; the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!

Titanic was sinking

Titanic was sinking. Santa: How much the earth is far from here?
Banta: 1 kilo meter.
Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"
Banta: Downwards!

Miser

Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
Banta: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.

Getting a job

Santa: "When I woke up this morning, I felt like going out and getting a job."
Banta: "Did you?"
Santa: "No. I stayed in bed until the feeling passed."

Extremely brave man

Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause when he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.

Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.

Bail Gaadi

What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi

Entrance Exam

Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

Akal badhi ya bhains

Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains?”
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."

Study in medical college

Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What's he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!

3 fastest means of communication

Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman

Missed Call

Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon
reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call

Train is coming on platform

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die because have not u heard train is coming on platform?

Lipton di chah

A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja...

Kiss every day

Santa: I kiss my wife every day before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.

Days & Money

Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.

Reason of suicide

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi?

Biwi Se Pareshan

Banta ek ! sadhu se bola" Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi
upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?

Galat Sangat Ka Asar

Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle,
aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

Birla Cement

Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.

Exide Battery

Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?

Dog Life

Santa: Why dogs don't marry?
Banta: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

I love u sister

Santa falls in love with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I love u sister."

Mother Tongue

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!

Ghanti nahi maar sakta tha

Santa Singh while riding a cycle suddenly hit a girl!
The girl shouted: Ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!!!
Santa: Poori cycle to maar di ab ghanti alag se maroon??!!!

Just a second

Santa calls Air India. 'How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?'
'Just a second,' says the customer service assistant.
'Thank you.' says Santa and hangs up.

Main Bol Raha Hoon

Santa: "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".
Banta: "Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"

Higher Study

Santa sitting on the top of the mountain and studying.
Banta asked: what he was doing....
He replied: Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!

Recognize a Sardar in School

How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

Chicken Business

Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chicks to begin with.
A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chicks because all of the first lot had died.
Another month later he was back at the dealers for another hundred chicks, for the second lot had also died.
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa. 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'

Aur Colour Dikhao

Santa to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao.
Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya,
Santa: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.

Panditji Kill a Lion

How did Panditji Kill a Lion?
Panditji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion:
I'll drink poison n let the lion eat me.
Hari Om!

OXGN TUBE

Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Santa goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"

Jo Hua, So Hua

A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.

Hot & Cold Coffee

Santa & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Santa says: Drink quickly......
Wife asks: why?
Santa says hot coffee Rs.5 and cold coffee Rs.10.

TIRED & RETIRED

Santa had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.
Again he had twins & named them Peter & Repeater.
Again he had twins & named them Max & Climax.
Next time he had twins, disgusted Santa named them TIRED & RETIRED!

Exchange Berth

Santa: I have not slept all night in the train.
Banta: why?
Santa: Got upper berth.
Banta: why did not u try to exchange?
Santa: oye, there was nobody 2 exchange in the lower berth.

Business Loss

Santa invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge Losses.
Do u know what the business was?
He opened a Saloon in Punjab!

Nobody was there

Santa tells a girl "Come 2 my house at night, nobody will b there.............
Girl goes at night & really nobody was there

Light Dinner

Santa was standing below a tube light with mouth wide open.........WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light".

My Kidney

Sardar and his family went for a party.
He introduces himself -
I'm sardar, she sardarnee, the boy my kid & the girl my kidney....

Question paper is leaking...

Professor Banta asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

Engagement Ring

On a romantic date Santa's girl friend asks him "Darling on our engagement, will you give me a ring?
He said "Ya, sure what's your phone number?

Hutch Network

A street dog was chasing Santa and he was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Santa: I have an Airtel phone, but still Hutch network is following me.

Post This Packet

Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet.
Santa: Why did u come so far? Instead u could have posted it....

Spelling Mistakes

What does Santa do after taking a xerox?
He compares it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

1 Year Elder Girl

Santa proposed to a girl......
Girl said: 'I'm 1 yr elder to you'.
Santa said: 'Oye, no problem Soniye, I'll marry you next year.

FILL UP IN CAPITAL

A Sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C. After Seeing he went to Delhi. Guess why?
The FORM said "FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".

Population Explosion

A Teacher was lecturing on Population Explosion - "In India after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid."
Santa stood up and said - "we must find & stop her!”

Race Winner

Santa - "why are all these people running?"
Banta - "This is a race, the winner will get the cup."
Santa - "If only the winner will get the cup, why are the others running?"

Above 18

19 Sardars went to watch a film.
On being questioned about the big group, they replied that the film was only for above 18...

Smile Please

Photographer Santa was focusing on the dead body's face in a funeral function.
Suddenly all the relatives started beating him - why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"

What came first, the Chicken or the Egg?

Santa recently found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What came first, the Chicken or the Egg?
O Yaar, whatever u order first will come first.

Future Tense

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Santa: The future tense is "You will go to jail".

Branch Manager

Santa gets ready, wears his tie and coat; goes out, climbs a tree and sits on the branch regularly.
Banta asks why he does this.
Santa: "I've been promoted as branch manager."

Salary Expected

Santa was filling up an application form for a job. He was not sure as to what was to be filled in the column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes

Banta not Santa

Santa, Your daughter has died!
Depressed Santa jumps from the 100th floor.
At the 50th floor, he remembers he doesn't have a daughter!
At the 25th floor: He's unmarried!
At the 10th: He's Banta not Santa.

Lottery Ticket

Santa wins 20 crore from a Rs. 20 lottery ticket. The Dealer gives him 11 crore after deducting taxes.
Angry Santa: "Give me 20 crore or else return my 20 Rs back."

Divorce Case

When Santa & his wife filed an application for divorce, the Judge asked: "How will you divide, you have 3 children?"
Santa's reply: "Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR."

Peacefull Death

Santa's wish: When I die, I wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep?
Not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving.

Santa Writing

Santa was writing something very slowly.
Banta asked: "Why are you writing so slowly?"
Santa: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast."

Local Sardar

Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab.
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more.

Basanti and Horse

Santa’s wife hit him on the head with the frying pan.
Santa: What was that for?
Santa’s Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the same BASANTI on it.
Santa: I bet on a horse last week and BASANTI was the name of my horse.
Santa’s wife: Oho Sorry
Next day she hit him with the frying pan again.
Santa: now what happened?
Santa’s wife: your horse is on the phone.

Santa as a Gay

Santa tells his dad, “Pappaji there is this kid in school who calls me gay”
Santa’s Dad:” Oye beta then punch him”
Santa: “No papa he is sooooooo cute!!!”

Question or invitation

Do you drink? Girl’s father asked Santa. Santa says “ first tell me whether it’s a question or invitation?”

Spouse is spice

Santa taking grammar lessons
“If more than one mouse is mice then more than one spouse is spice.”

Swimming is restricted

Officer Santa: Madam swimming is restricted in this lake.
Lady: why didn’t you tell me when I was removing my clothes?
Officer Santa: That is not restricted.

Rakhi Sawant ka doodh

Santa: oye waiter ek mast chai pilao jo pura badan hila de.
Waiter: hamare yahan gaai ka doodh aata hai, Rakhi Sawant ka nahin.

Menu Card

Santa’s wife: Oye JI stop looking at other women you are married now.
Santa: Arre you mean if I am on diet I cant look at the menu also?

Mummy at a museum

Santa and Banta were looking at an Egyptian Mummy at a museum.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Banta: Yes you are right. See lorry number is also written BC 1760

AirHostess

Teacher: Which animal flies in the air, but gives birth to young ones on land?
Santa (excited for the first time because he knows the answer)
Santa: AIRHOSTESS

Divorce Reason

Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.

Use Tooth Brush

Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fights back. How does u control ur anger?
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.

New Chapels

Santa: That girl is deaf
Banta: How do you know?
Santa: I said I love her, she said her chapels are new

Water the plants

Santa: Go and water the plants.
Servant: it's already raining.
Santa: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

Plane Ride

Santa traveling 1st time in plane going to BOMBAY,
while landing, he shouted: "BOMBAY-BOMBAY",
Air hostess: " B-silent please ",
Santa said: “OMBAY - OMBAY.....!!!!!!!!”

Fighting

Santa Banta was fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
Santa: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
Santa: Even I did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.

Banta fell in love

Banta fell in love with a porno star and married her. He got an opportunity to watch one of her movie.... the Movie came to an End.
A bit disturbed and annoyed with what he saw, Banta told himself, "Thank God it was just a movie and not reality."

Brake fail

Santa: O Banno Car ki speed itani kyo badha di..?
Biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, accident ho jaye iske pehele ghar pahunch jaate hai.

Santa fell out

Q: Why did Santa fall out the window?
A: He was ironing the curtain

Imagine

Interviewer: Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught fire?
Santa: Simple, Stop imagining.

Santa frog Cigarette

Santa apne father k samne cigrate pi raha tha.
Logon ne kaha ke aap apne father ke samne cigratte pi rahay ho?
Santa bola: Wo mera father hai, koi petrol pump thodi.

Biwi ko Padhaunga

Santa: Pehle me apni biwi ko BA karwaunga fir MA fir Phd karwaunga fir badiya si naukri dilwaunga.
Banta: fir acha sa rishta dekh k uski shaadi bhi karwa diyo.

An essay on a cricket match

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except our Santa.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

Multiplications

Teacher: Santa, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
Santa: You told me to do it without using tables.

Sundari

A beggar- ‘Oh sundari ! Andha hoon.
Sawa paanch rupya de de..
“Husband said 2 his wife- De de, tujhe
sundari bola hai to har haal mein andha hai…”

Mitthai wala santa

Banta santa se-teri dukan pe mitthai rakhi h tera dil isko khane ko nhi krta
santa- yaar krta to bhut h par papa marenge isliye chaat kar rakh deta hu

Pilla ya Billa

Teacher: tum ro Q rahe ho?
Ladka:meri mummy mere papa ko kutta kehti h.
or papa unko BILLI,
mujhe samjh nhi aata ki main PILLA hu ya BILLA?

Teri Bhabhi Se

Santa ne apni bhabi ko jan se mar diya.
Logo ne pucha k tum ne apni bhabi ko Q mara?
Santa bola: O yar mai jis-se b puchta k tum phone pe kis-se bat kar raha ho
to wo khata teri bhabhi se.

Kutta aur Haddi

Boy 2 girl- Apni body to dekho jaise haddiya hi haddiya Ho!
Girl-isliye itni der se soch rhi hu k mere pas Kutta kyo khada hai

Anniversary Celebration

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes

Why Company name is Microsoft

What did Bill Gate's wife say to him on their wedding night ?
“oh, Now I know why you named your company Microsoft”

Janam Kundli

On The First Wedding Night Husband said : Look Darling Before Marrige I Had Affair With 20 Girls.
Wife Replied that : Janu Janam Kundli Mili Hai, To Gun To Millenge Hi Na.

Visphotak Samagari

Police:Khabar hai k aapke ghar me visphotak samagari hai.
Santa-Sir khabar to ekdum pakki hai par Wo abhi Maike gyi Hai

Lalu Training

LAALU JI EK MAHINA BUSH SE TRENING LEKAR VAPAS AAYE.
EK DIN PHONE AAYA.LAALU JI BOLE - who are u?
BUSH NE KAHA - ARE SASURA HUM BOL RAHA HOON BUSHVA?

Saal me kitni raten

Teacher- 1 saal me kitni raten hoti hai.
Santa-10
Teacher- wo kaise??
Santa- 1 shivratri, aur 9 din navratri

Damroo v/s D.J. System

Shivji-Bhakt main tumhari tapasaya se khush hua,bol tujhe kya chahiye.?
Bhakt-D.J System dedo Prabhu.
Shivji-Abe SALE D.J hota to main Damroo kyon bajata.

WIFE Means

Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means…
Without Information Fighting Everytime!
Wife : No, it means - With Idiot for Ever

sania ka baccha

Teacher: dhobi ka kutta na ghar ka na ghat ka
ab aisa 1 aur sentence banao.....
Student: sania ka baccha na india ka na pak ka

Lamba Celebration

Wife : Samne woh Sharabi dekh rahe ho ?
Das saal pehle usne muje saadi karne ke liye kaha or mene naa kar diya tha, to dekho wo abhi tak pi raha hai !
Husband: Baap re itna lamba celebration